It’s almost time for the Star Wars Marathon to end, and if I so chose I could end you right here and now, my tiny Canadian friend!
Like usual for proper acquaintance with what is actually going on you first need to check out Edgar’s Star Wars: Episode VI – Return Of The Jedi review over at Between The Seats.
So it has come to this Edgar, the almost final entry in our little marathon, a little marathon that crushed the hopes and dreams of cinephiles the universe over. Well, okay, maybe not, but it is almost the end of our little marathon and if there’s one thing I know it is that in this final rebuttal I plan on putting you in your place once and for all.
Okay, my first salvo was turned away by you really easily, like scarily easily, because I can’t find any fault in your problems with the lack of imagination in having another Death Star be the big secret weapon. I never really thought of it before, I guess my Star Wars brain was just willing to go along with the idea of another Death Star, but you are correct, it is a rehashing of an already used idea and shows a decided lack of imagination on the part of Mr. Lucas and company. Just as the new Death Star having the same weakness as the old Death Star is another example of creative thinking not being present. However, unlike you I did feel the tension in Han, Chewie and Leia’s exploits on the moon of Endor, even if those fucking Ewoks do their best to muck it all up.
Dammit all to hell, your stupid lightsaber molded in the shape of a hockey stick stopped my next assault as well. Yes, the Ewoks defeating the Empire as they do is a god damn atrocity, and one that no justification can ever be made for, ever, do you hear me people! Yes, Boba Fett’s “death” is, well, less than befitting such a cool character. And that musical sequence is pure crap, pure unadulterated crap. But, what’s that I see, you clearly haven’t been practicing your lightsaber form enough, because I see a slight chink creeping into your attacks.
Endor doesn’t need to be as exotic as the other planets we have seen thus far in the saga, I’d even take it a step further and say that it shouldn’t be. While every other film in the saga is about big events and the impact they have on the world around them I would say that Star Wars: Episode VI – Return Of The Jedi presents a story that is much more singularly focused and personal. The moon is just a backdrop, the real action is on that Death Star, the more I think about it the more I believe that everything that happens outside of that massive battle station is mere window dressing. And there is no way that the sequence in Jabba’s Palace and the outskirts of Tatooine to anywhere near the action we get later in the film when Luke finally takes up his lightsaber against his father. I believe the fact that you even thought as such has opened up a gash on your left leg all on its own, for shame…
Now you’re just messing with me right, there’s no way you would actually leave your defenses down like that? Han Solo not being Han Solo? Harrison Ford not giving a Harrison Ford type performance? I guffaw at such a notion kind sir, I simply guffaw. I saw the same wit, the same energy, exuberance and love for the character from Ford in Star Wars: Episode VI – Return Of The Jedi as I saw in the rest of the films. You better take care of that grip tightening around your throat, unless you want to be Force choked?
I’m sorry that I popped your larynx, I really am, but c’mon now, calling the Luke/Vader/Palpatine sequence plain and not all that fun, what did you think was going to happen? That scene is the one time in the film when I think the director, Richard Marquand, actually shows off some skill. The score certainly helps, but all of the action on the Death Star is deeply personal yet at the same time carries a heavy magnitude with it, every lightsaber swing or refusal to pick up a lightsaber feels like it could signal the end for one side or the other. Oops, there goes one of your arms, my bad…
In our greatest of duels, it has come down to this, I stand before you with the killing stroke at the ready. The question then becomes, am I a Jedi who will spare you or a Sith who will end you? Alas, there is a third option, because I believe in neither of those philosophies, instead I am a follower of the Potentium, because you see, there is only one Force, there isn’t a dark or light side but simply a Force that is influenced, molded, and shaped by those who use it. That’s why I must tell you Edgar, this has been a blast, but I am one crotchety motherfucker and it’s about time for you to lose your head altogether…
You can check out Edgar’s rebuttal over at Between The Seats.