When awesomely bad turns into awfully boring!
Written By: Uwe Boll
Directed By: Uwe Boll
I’m sure Uwe Boll was making a point with Seed. Actually, I know that he had a point, the pre-title crawl told me so. Oh yeah, Seed is a film about the evils of humanity. We’re all terrible fucking people who do dastardly things. We prey on the helpless, we slaughter the innocent, and we kill at random. We also borrow horrendous footage, from PETA, of animals being skinned alive. We do this not because we want to show how terrible humanity is. No, we do this because we are Uwe Boll and it is our utmost hope that people will find said footage controversial and care about our ill concieved project.
The fact that Seed came and went with the same amount of indifference as every single picture from Herr Boll should tell you how successful his attempts at stirring up controversy were. No one cared because no one watched the film in the first place, and those who did were more horrified by how shitty of a movie Seed happens to be. Truth be told they probably saw right through his attempts at shock marketing. The moral of the story is that Seed has no point, it’s an exercise in shitty filmmaking with badly done gore and terrible lighting as the calisthenic of choice.
At this point I feel the need to disclose a factoid to the uninitiated, I happen to be a fan of Uwe Boll. He makes terrible movies that are a lot of fun to watch. Or, I should say that’s usually what he does. Occasionally Herr Boll decides he wants to try and make a point and step beyond his title of Schlockmaster Supreme. When he does this the results are disastrous. Not only is the film lacking in any sort of visibly evident filmmaking skill. But, it’s also not any fun, and that makes the proceedings quite a bore.
There is one great visual cue involving a reflection in an eye, and one very well done death sequence involving a trap and a pic of some sort. That’s all the good I have to say about Seed. It’s not a fun movie, it’s not so terrible that it’s awesome, Seed is just terrible. Half of the movie is shot in such darkness that it’s impossible to tell what’s going on and when there is light the story is told in such a scattershot manner that it’s still hard to know what’s going on.
I may be an Uwe Boll fan, but I’m a fan of his fun works. I enjoy his films that hearken to a time when bad films were sought out by film buffs to have fun with, to laugh at, and to revel in the absurdity of the proceedings. Seed is too serious for its own good, and Herr Boll’s agenda of trying to generate controversy through shocking imagery is more pathetic than shocking. I’m always trying to convince people to give Herr Boll a chance, but Seed is a film to avoid at all costs.